- for you, who couldn't understand.
maybe some people feel like they're supposed to be sad forever. or maybe they feel they belong there - like they have their loyalty to it.
you've tried all the others. and what let downs they are now!
sometimes it's just the way you feel. the way you want to feel. something. anything.
and that's how it makes you feel; you feel good. you feel fucking great!
eyes are attached, consumed, devoured. wondering if this is going to stop. the tiny little blade puncturing the porcelain of your skin, gliding across little blue lines. you are okay.
there's a dreamy quality to it- like you don't really believe it's happening. it couldn't have gotten this far - no, it hasn't. you're just testing it. just seeing what happens. it's just here.
but it's soothing you immediately. i think that's what keeps you going. i think that's what makes you do it.
and then you really feel it. your nerves; they're right there. it's hitting you, what you're doing. it's hitting you. you're forgetting. you're thinking... of something else. this is fantastic?!
that's why you press harder - you're memory is lighter. a little faster, to remember a little slower.
and then it's over.
watching silhouettes trailing, fleeting from your body. escaping down your hand, your fingers, your nails. each one waiting for another to bloom. for a second it looks good.
...oh my god. i'm bleeding.
but 10minutes is a long time for feeling good.